Have you been mad on yourself due to seeing all those people have houses, cars, they succeed in their business… and damn it! Why not me?! What does I don’t understand? Each time starting something soon you understand that it won’t WORK anyway, that it’s not good enough… You start one idea, then you prepare everything to start another…and another… each time you started so excited…, but once the preparing accomplished, you are scared and do not see yourself strong enough to propose it to people. What will they think? And what will they say? And the worse –what if they all will see how I fail!? Laozi said: ‘’ Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner’’. Stop worrying what others think, only you know what shell be done in your life – go for it!
There is a story from life
While I was doing a day job, some 10 years ago, I had very nice colleagues – man and woman with whom we had habits to celebrate birthdays together, to go out together and to share all the information in our circle. We kept in touch by seeing all the time, by phone, by messages, all my time was busy now. We all knew each other’s work and free time schedule, who is doing what which hour. So if I said that I cannot come out once with everyone, I had to invent a good reason.
At the beginning I saw it exciting, I was happy, but as it repeated constantly, I started to see that this group of persons are only interested in this being together itself, on clothes they wore for each time – to surprise others and to show out, to criticise others by the back. Even if the moments together were nice, all it seemed to me superficial and useless, I started to be sorry for the time that I spend with them but to stay good at my work I had to keep the relationship. I was even terrorized that my birthday approached and I had to invent a place where to celebrate it to surprise my colleagues (as everyone did), to buy new clothes and to organize a better party that one’s before…We worked well together, but all this out of work stuff was too much for me. Even worse… I started to feel imprisoned by them, under their control. I had my own additional professional plans and ideas to realize, but I felt blocked, I did not want my colleagues to know what will I do, because I knew that it will cause a jealousy and I will be observed very closely to not to skip the moment when I will make a mistake, when I fell… and so they could make a whole story out of it.
My right to freedom
Aristotle said about that ‘’There is only one way to avoid criticism – do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing’’ so I felt that I am nothing, a misery. I knew that I could go out of this prison but only by quitting that nice job and stopping seeing with them. It is not always simple to quit a job, knowing that you need an income anyway. Finally, I found another day job and I quit, so my dear colleagues let me go… little by little. I had regained my out of work time freedom! Finally, my telephone did not ring every hour and I had no obligations to go to their parties and tell ‘’what’s new in my life’’. Even I was wondering where from do I have so much time…?
At that time, I read already the self-improvement literature and knew that these are the wrong people for me and I had to get rid of them in my every day life. I knew as well that if I wanted to move on with my projects I must stop caring of what the other people will think. In my situation I could not just stop caring. These were real people in a real situation who asked me the questions and I could not afford to be rude with them… it is just not me to be bad with people around. So I had to make an action that is quite global to my life, to my profession and to my income – I had to quit the job to get rid of those people. Actually it was not even about my projects in particular, it was about my right to have a freedom.
It is all about scare of the judgement
Any way I felt the winner because I was free. Actually all this situation was about my feeling that my colleagues kept me busy by the things that are not worthy enough in my values system.
You want to do things but you don’t want to show yourself. You are a personality and if you do more things than an average person you will become seen and there is a chance that you will be criticized. It is the price to pay. Not all criticism is objective and meaningful. It might come from jealousy or just a habit to talk about others. These people don’t care about you, you shouldn’t care either. An American author Dr Seuss Geisel said very well: ‘’Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.’’
Your ideas are more important, just get to the job now and ignore negative influences. If you have difficulties on this topic, write me an e-mail or just put it here in comments and we’ll get through it!
Please share the post and write in a comment – Do you care for people’s approval? Are they keeping you away from your projects? Thank You so much!