The beginning of my dream was an idea
Just a taught that determined my further behavior. It didn’t let me go, so it was worth of a little case study. That gave me a motivation, joy of beginning something new. I started to talk about it to others, ask questions to those who have experienced it.
I saw myself in the dream
I determined it as my aim and started to find solutions and people to reach it. I was so excited and wanted to move on wise and quickly. I saw myself already in the situation of reaching my dream. I imagined it to understand better my specific needs.
Listening to advice
I knew that people who are experienced might give an advice and I was open to all additional information. I still understand that the decision maker is only me and I don’t have to do like others did.
But… as I was a novice, it was so hard to sort properly the advice. Advice came from my friends. I didn’t know any other solution, so I did exactly what they said…
The reality hits hard
Here I saw myself falling. In my mind I still screamed ”No, no.., no…” I felt defeat. I didn’t expect that, but it hurt so much. My soul cried and shout and I knew that was my fault. I felt a shame and dissapointment, all my world had just wracked.
Only that miserable moment of defeat I understood why. While I was building my dream I taught that all went well. Actually I was too excited and I saw what I wanted to see through the pink glasses. I understood that I made mistakes while following friends advice… but why? My friends have their lives, their situation and their solution didn’t fit to me. Even if they wanted to help me.
I was so thirsty that I drank a poison.
Luckily for me, I have other things in my life to go on. The defeat is so recent that my wounds still hurt. But I won’t judge myself too hard. Shit happens.